So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
