i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
