Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
