Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
