This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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