My cat gives me a boner
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
