She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
