so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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