Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
