he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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