Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
