it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
