My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
