I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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