I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
