He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
