Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
