he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
