All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
