they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
