I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
