i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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