I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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