i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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