Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
