last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
