On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
