Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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