I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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