You smell like stripper and shame
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
