New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
