is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
