I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
