you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
