Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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