i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize