Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
