Sponge bath it is.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
