OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
