is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
