My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
