We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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