He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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