Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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