I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
