wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
