I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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