I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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