That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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