Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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