his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
