Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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