your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
