the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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