I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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