He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
