some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
