If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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