My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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