shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
