How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
