I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
