FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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