I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize