her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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