I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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