i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
