I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
