Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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