College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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