I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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