Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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