he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
