i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
