When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
