He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
