marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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